My relationship is falling apart. Not really sure how it got here but it all seems very unfair.

It always goes back to CD

My brain is re-tracing its steps back to CD. This is a person...a magnetic person. Someone I most definitely do not want to forget but maybe someone I should forget. Ugh. Who writes the rules on should and shouldn't anyways.

I think everyone has that person they think about when things aren't the way they want or relationships are not going the way they want. Basically, when I want a change I think of CD and how I could always count on him to at least shake things up for me. He either made me regret my actions or want to do everything again. He was so smooth, even when we first met and I was so awkward talking about the "famous" Irish movie Boondock Saints. Ohhhh I was so nervous. He was probably the first man that made me feel comfortable displaying emotion. Kind of a weird thing to remember about him but he made me realize emotion was human and not an embarrassing thing. My current person does not bring this out in me. CD brought out a lot in me. During times like now I am thankful this person is in a different country. I was always horrible at controlling myself around him.

A lot of things about our relationship were unhealthy and not something I should pine away for but the truth is, we never really got to explore what we had. By the time he realized I was really exiting his life, there was no time to do anything but say goodbye. He was always quite good at pretending nothing was serious and love came and went like vacation.

Oh, well. At least he is always there to fantasize about. Him and his stupidly wonderful and sexy irish accent. Mmm.